The Ministry Sanctioned Use of Love Potions
by Dorothea Greengrass
Summary: Severus Snape receives a letter from the Department of Magical Education he can't ignore.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** Everything belongs to J.K.R.

Many thanks to Srikanth1808 and shinykamon for betaing this story.

 **-ooOOOoo-**

 **The Ministry Sanctioned Use of Love Potions**

Severus Snape stared down at the letter on his desk. He read it for a second time, then a third time. Thanks to his excellent Occlumency shields, his face betrayed nothing of his feelings while he read. However, under the cover of the long sleeves of his robes, his fingers, stained from the long years of handling potion ingredients, curled into fists.

'This has to be a bad joke,' he murmured, barely moving his thin lips. He read the letter for a fourth time, but the contents didn't change:

 _From: Ministry for Magic, Department of Magical Education_

 _To: Hogwarts School for Wizardry and Witchcraft, Professor of Potions_

 _Subject: Ministry Sanctioned Use of Love Potions_

 _Dear Professor Snape,_

 _The Department of Magical Education finds it necessary to call your attention to Ministry Educational Decree No. 4K from March, 11th, 1721. Ever since then, the Ministry-approved use of love potions has been an important part of the Hogwarts Potions curriculum for all fifth year students._

 _It has come to our notice that you and your predecessors have neglected to teach that part of the curriculum since 1880, which has led to a dangerous lack of knowledge among the students, and has caused a dramatic increase of love-potion induced accidents, as informed to us by St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries, and the Hogwarts_ **school** _nurse._

 _In light of this development, the Department of Magical Education is compelled to remind you of your obligations as Professor of Potions, and direct you to teach the students that small, yet so important bit of the curriculum. Please note that failure to do so will result in your immediate dismissal._

 _Hoping you are well,_

 _Sincerely,_

 _Elvira Blythe_

 _Head of Department of Magical Education_

Severus crumpled the letter in his hand. He thought of his mixed Slytherin/Gryffindor class, and a feeling of dread overcame him. The Ministry left him no choice: he had to teach them about the use of love potions, which not only included the actual brewing, but also administering the potion to the students without their knowledge, to test the potency of the potion, as the leaflet that came with the letter told him. Someone at the Ministry must have lost the little common sense wizards and witches possessed, he thought. It was yet to be determined how many students would be still alive after that lesson was over.

 **-ooOOOoo-**

'I think I am as dissatisfied as you are that the Ministry is blatantly trying to interfere at Hogwarts, but - alas - my hands are tied. I am confident that we'll master that challenge, as we have mastered the challenges of the past. On that note, I'd like to end today's meeting, unless one of you has a concern we haven't yet talked about,' Albus Dumbledore said, looking at the Hogwarts' staff assembled in the teacher's lounge.

There were shakes of heads and negating murmurs as the teacher began to collect their papers, glad that the last preparatory meeting before the start of the new school year was finally over. The headmaster had surprised them with the news that the Ministry had appointed a professor for Defense Against the Dark Arts. Of course, they all had grasped at once the implications of that: the Ministry was trying to get its claws into Hogwarts. That was confirmed as Albus announced the name of the new colleague: Dolores Umbridge, Senior Undersecretary to the Minister for Magic.

A collective groan had gone round the table at that announcement. Most professors remembered Umbridge from her days as a particularly untalented student magically. What she lacked in magical ability, she had made up with an extraordinary ambition, brown-nosing, and ruthless disposition. She never hesitated to tattle on her classmates, if it was to her own advantage, but always managed to cover her own tracks: both traits that made the student body as well as the staff loathe her.

'In fact, there is one point I'd like to discuss,' Severus Snape's clipped, low voice broke through the noise.

All heads turned towards him.

He pulled out a crumpled sheet of parchment from his robes and put it on the table in front of him. 'I received a letter from the head of the Department of Magical Education this morning,' he began. 'Unfortunately, Defense Against the Dark Arts is not the only subject the Ministry wants to meddle in. Madam Blythe thought it necessary to remind me of a part of the Hogwarts' fifth year potions curriculum I've avoided to teach until now, since it'll only cause unnecessary complications and animosities among the fifth year students. Unfortunately, this letter forces me to teach that rubbish from now on.'

Minerva McGonagall's dark brows rose up at that. 'What part would that be, Severus?'

'I'm talking about the part of the fifth year potions curriculum introduced by Ministry Educational Decree No. 4k,' he replied.

McGonagall still looked blank, and so did the rest of his colleagues.

A contempt sneer appeared on Severus Snape's face as he informed his colleagues about the content of Ministry Educational Decree No. 4K.

'The decree demands that I not only teach the students how to brew a love potion, but also have to administer the potion to them without their knowledge, not only to determine its potency, but also, and I quote here from the text of the decree, "to show them the repercussions of such a potion in a controlled environment and under the supervision of adult wizards and witches." '

His announcement was met with dead silence. Then someone started to snigger. Another professor joined, then a third. A second later the dignified professors of Hogwarts School for Wizardry and Witchcraft were howling with laughter. Tears of laughter were trickling into Albus Dumbledore's long beard, while Minerva McGonagall and Pomona Sprout had to support each other not to fall from their chairs. Filius Flitwick was not so lucky: doubling with laughter, the diminutive Professor for Charms caused the stack of books he was sitting on to topple over, and disappeared under the table in an avalanche of said books. His uproarious laughter that still could be heard from under the table, though somehow muffled, indicated that he hadn't come to harm.

Severus easily withstood joining the hilarity of his colleagues. He scowled at them while he waited until they had regained their composure. Finally, the last of them had calmed down, and Filius Flitwick had climbed back onto his stack of books.

'You seemed to have forgotten my mixed Slytherin/Gryffindor class. How in the world am I supposed to teach them this without causing them to murder each other? The curriculum not only demands that I teach them how to brew that damned potion, but also to feed the potion to students who are as opposite of each other as possible, to watch the effect, and to determine if it has been done right. Can you imagine what will happen in that class?' he fumed.

'I'd better stock up on my supply of Blood Replenishing Potions and Pain Killers. Maybe some additional Skele-grow wouldn't be a bad idea, either,' Poppy Pomfrey mused.

Severus shot her a withering glance.

'I think nothing will come of that,' Albus Dumbledore said. 'Gryffindors and Slytherins are like fire and ice. I doubt a potion brewed by a student is able to overcome that. The potion will maybe stir some mild interest for one day, but they'll be back to their centuries old feud the next day.'

The other professors, especially Minerva McGonagall, nodded to that and murmured their consent - with two exceptions.

'Oh, I don't know. I always thought that Slytherins and Gryffindors are way too pronounced in the way they convey their disgust of each other. In my opinion, that masks an attraction both parties are aware of, but neither of them wants to admit,' Filius Flitwick said.

Severus huffed at that.

Pomona Sprout stared at the diminutive Charms professor. 'You must be taking the mickey, Filius.'

'During my time all Slytherin girls agreed that Gryffindor had the dreamiest boys in school,' Septima Vector reminisced. Her voice sounded wistful. She didn't seem to notice the amazed looks her colleagues gave her as she dwelled on obviously pleasant memories.

Oddly enough, Minerva McGonagall, Head Professor of Gryffindor, contributed nothing to the discussion. Instead, she regarded her longtime friend and colleague Filius Flitwick with a strange expression on her face.

Albus Dumbledore rose from his seat, a sign that the meeting was over. 'Well, this was most interesting, Severus. Unfortunately, you have no other choice as to bow to the orders of the Department of Magical Education. However, you must keep us informed about the development of this. It'll be most entertaining, I'm sure.'

With that, the aged wizard left the room. Severus could have sworn he heard a soft sniggering wafting behind him. The rest of the staff followed him, one by one or in pairs. Severus, however, remained in his seat, his head buried in his hand.

'Why in the world did I allow Albus to talk me into teaching Potions at this damned school? I should have accepted my punishment and gone to Azkaban; that would have been easier,' he groaned.

 **-ooOOOoo-**

The new school year had begun a week ago. The whole school was still teeming with the tale how Potter, that undisciplined dunderhead, had managed to butt heads with the new Professor for Defense Against the Dark Arts, and got a week of detention for his cheek. That boy was just like his father, without any trace of subtlety and finesse, Severus thought as he watched the Gryffindor/Slytherin class filing into the Potions classroom for the second lesson of the year.

He cleared his throat, and at once the class fell silent.

'Today, you'll be learning about the subtle art of brewing a love potion…' As he had expected, Brown and Patil started giggling at that, but the glare he sent them took care of that.

'You will also learn about the legal context in which the use of love potions on a member of the opposite sex is sanctioned by the Ministry for Magic. As you all know, the magical population of Britain is small, and has been decreasing in numbers for centuries. For that reason, wizards and witches are encouraged to marry right after school and reproduce soon. However, the Ministry is aware that young wizards and witches often find it hard to gather the courage to make the first step to start a courtship. For many, the fear of rejection is too overwhelming. To circumvent these obstacles, it is legal to use a love potion a single time on the object of your desire to … set things in motion and ignite a spark. After that, you are on your own again. The potion is designed not to work on the intended target if it has no interest at all in you. It will only give you a chance if there is some genuine attraction. The list of needed ingredients and the instructions are on the board. You have one hour. Begin!'

He tapped with his wand at the board, ignoring the giggles and whispers among the students. Even his disciplined Slytherins hardly couldn't contain themselves, if the excited whispers among the girls and the wary glances of the boys were anything to go by. This was going to be one long lesson.

 **-ooOOOoo-**

Severus looked at the two rows of potion vials on his desk, each one carefully labelled with the name of the student, the name of the potion it was supposed to be, and the date the sample had been brewed. To the left were the samples of his ten Slytherins, to the right were the samples of the eight Gryffindors. Now, how should he pair them? There were five boys and five girls in Slytherin, but only three girls and five boys in Gryffindor.

He began with a simple process of elimination and picked up the samples of Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle. He didn't even need to employ his other senses: one look at the samples told him that any poor girl who would be given these samples wouldn't live long enough after that to show any desire to kiss one of the two trolls. He marked both samples with a "T" and shoved them aside. At least that left him with even numbers of Gryffindor and Slytherins to pair up with each other.

As always, the samples handed in by Granger and Malfoy were perfect. He marked Malfoy's with an "O", and Granger's with an "E", and decided their loathing of each other would make them the perfect first couple.

Potter's potion was almost perfect, just like the sample Miss Greengrass had handed in. No surprise there, the dunderhead had inherited the instinctive grasp of the subtle art of brewing from both sides of the family; the Potters had many a famous potion master among their ancestors, and Lily had been a veritable genius when it came to potions. Of course it wouldn't do to let the boy know; just like his father, he was already too full of himself. However, the undisciplined slob and the epitome of Pureblood grace and composure would also make good test subjects, he decided, marking Potter's sample with an "A", and the sample of Miss Greengrass with an "O".

Longbottom's sample also was close to perfect. The boy's vast knowledge of Herbology and the properties of the herbs used in brewing magical potions made him a very apt student. Of course, it wouldn't do to ever let him know that. Severus Snape had a reputation to keep among the children of the Death Eaters. He marked Longbottom's potion with an "A", and then looked for a matching partner. Miss Davis' potion wasn't far behind Longbottom's. That was perfect, Severus thought, as he marked her sample with an "E". It would be amusing to see how shy and awkward Neville Longbottom dealt with Slytherin's counterpart to Miss Brown. Something that looked like a gleeful grin flickered across his sallow features, though if one of his students had seen him that moment, they would have blamed it on the unsteady light of the candles playing tricks on their eyes: Professor Severus Snape never grinned.

As always, Weasley was on Longbottom's level. There was also no surprise there; his three oldest brothers had been top potions students, and the twins were veritable geniuses when it came to potions. Of course, he wouldn't ever let those two menaces know that. They disgraced the subtle art of brewing by using it as a tool for their foolish and sometimes cruel pranks.

There was only one student on the same, high level left: Miss Parkinson. Severus didn't have to do a detailed analysis of the sample she had handed in: one look told him that she had brewed a very potent potion. Yes, it would be fun to see the red-headed idiot pining for Miss Parkinson. The reaction of the Pureblood snob to who she deemed to be a Bloodtraiter would also be rather entertaining, he was sure.

That left him with the potions of the mediocre students of the year: Miss Roper, Miss Patil, Miss Brown, Mr. Nott, Mr. Zabini and Mr. Thomas had all managed to hand in samples that were within the passing grades, but didn't reach the quality of the work of their classmates. Still in a generous mood about his genial pairing of Longbottom and Davis, he awarded them all an "A", and then paired off Miss Roper with Mr. Thomas, Mr. Nott with Miss Brown, and finally Mr. Zabini with Miss Patil. While no Death Eaters, the Ropers were staunch Pureblood Supremacists. Miss Roper's reaction to a Muggleborn would be - interesting. While not as shy as Longbottom, Mr. Nott was a very reticent boy. His reaction to the ever gossiping Miss Brown would also be entertaining. Mr. Zabini and Miss Patil each were too infatuated with themselves to fall in love, he thought, and wondered if the potion would be capable to overcome that.

There were only two samples left, and Severus examined them with a sigh: they both looked as if they had to be hammered out of the cauldron with a chisel, and were clearly beyond the passing grades, though probably not lethal like the samples of the two trolls. He marked both samples with a "D", and then paired Miss Bulstrode with Mr. Finnegan. He would be surprised if their samples caused any effect at all.

He looked at the eight matches he had created, and a feeling of dread settled in his stomach.

'Lefty,' he called.

An ancient looking house elf, clad in a pristine tea towel with the Hogwarts crest embroidered on it, appeared with a resounding _CRACK._

'Master Potions Poff-esser', it bowed.

Severus motioned with his stained fingers to the potions samples on his desk. 'Please, make sure that the samples are given to the recipient I've written on the label without anyone noticing it. After that, inform Madam Pomfrey and the headmaster that the testing phase has begun.'

The elf bowed again, gathered the samples, and vanished with another _CRACK._

 **-ooOOOoo-**

At lunchtime, Albus Dumbledore leaned forward in his chair to look at Severus past Minerva McGonagall. 'The testing phase has begun, I've been told?' he asked with the irrepressible twinkle in his eyes. Really, it was about time someone bought that man a pair of decent glasses, Severus thought with an inward huff.

Aloud he said, 'I instructed the house elves to feed them the potions today at lunch. That gives us the whole weekend for the potion to wear off, and hopefully things will be back to normal on Monday morning.'

As a rule, most students - except some N.E.W.T. students - had no classes on Friday afternoons, to give them time to complete their homework. Of course, as good as none of the dunderheads ever used that time for the intended purpose, but…

'Hem, hem!'

Severus gave the toad-like, squat woman beside him a look of utter loathing. 'Is there something you want to address, Dolores?'

'I wonder why you never thought of informing the staff about your curriculum. I doubt that the Ministry is sanctioning such a frivolous topic,' she simpered.

'Then let me correct you, Dolores. Actually, it was the Head of the Department of Magical Education who demanded of me - under the threat of my dismissal - to re-install that part of the curriculum. It is my understanding that this special topic had been made a mandatory part of the curriculum in 1721, but has been forgotten since somewhere in the late nineteenth century. The Department of Magical Education saw it fit to remind me, rather strongly, of that omission. I had no choice in the matter. As for not informing the staff…' He paused, and raised his goblet to his mouth for better effect, but also to rinse away the bad taste having to talk to that woman always left him. 'Had you chosen to attend the last preparatory meeting before the beginning of the school year, as it is mandatory for each member of staff, you would have known everything about that topic. Also, I informed the headmaster of the beginning of the testing phase, as protocol demands.'

As he had expected, that shut the toad up. With a withering glance at him, she picked up her cutlery, and dissected the lamb chops on her plate with more force than necessary.

Severus didn't allow himself to show the glee he felt. Instead, he began observing the four house tables, his focus trained solely on the Gryffindor and Slytherin fifth years.

As a rule, a lot of hostile glances were exchanged between the Gryffindor fifth years and their Slytherin counterparts. However, not all students were involved in that game. The mutual loathing was mostly limited to the male members of the two houses, with Malfoy and Potter being the most vociferous about it. No surprise there; young males tended to engage into territorial fights all the time, and these fights usually were worst among the residing alpha males, in this case Potter and Malfoy. Granger was drawn into the fights by default; it was a side effect of her close friendship to Potter and Weasley. As far as he knew, she had never started a fight of her own. That could not be said about Miss Parkinson and Miss Bulstrode, who both never missed an opportunity to sneer at Potter, Weasley and Granger. The rest of the girls of the two houses kept out of the fight. In fact, he was sure they got along rather well when their classmates weren't looking.

Today, however, things were different. For once, the male members of the two houses weren't engaged in trading dark looks. No, it seems they had something else on their mind. The light snigger that came from Filius Flitwick's direction convinced Severus that his eyes weren't deceiving him. All boys, with the exception of Crabbe and Goyle, suddenly seemed to be fascinated with the girls from the opposite houses. Of course, the two trolls were too occupied with stuffing their faces than to realize what was going on with their classmates.

Severus pulled out his notebook and made a checkmark behind the names of all girls on the sheet he had prepared for evaluating the potency of the potions. To his amazement, even Miss Bulstrode potion had passed the first stage: arousing the interest of the intended. She must be better at potions as he had given her credit for until now.

Out of the eight boys, only seven had passed that first stage: Miss Bulstrode was pretty oblivious to the puppy dog eyes Finnegan gave her. No surprise there, Severus thought as he wrote a zero behind Finnegan's name.

From the corner of his eyes he saw how Dumbledore cast a silent undetectable long distance Listening-In-Charm on the students under love potions: his favourite charm when he wanted to hear about what the students were talking, but had no portraits or ghosts in the vicinity. At least the old coot had the decency to let the rest of the staff listen in, too.

The meal was coming to an end, and the first students were leaving the Great Hall. The staff, however, kept rooted to their places.

Malfoy was the first one to pluck up his courage. So much for the brave Gryffindors, Severus thought with an inward sneer as he watched the blond boy walking to Granger.

'What do you want, Malfoy?' Weasley barked as soon as the Slytherin had reached the Gryffindor table.

'That's not of your concern, Weasel,' Malfoy spat, and turned his back on a sputtering Weasley, whose ears became an alarming shade of red within the blink of an eye.

'Granger … Hermione,' Malfoy began, and only someone who knew his Slytherins as intimately as Severus could detect the nervousness in his voice. 'I was wondering if you have already started on the Arithmancy homework Professor Vector gave us yesterday.'

At the teacher's table, Professor Septima Vector let out a long groan. 'That's one of the worst pick-up lines I've ever heard, and unfortunately I've had to hear a lot of them during my time.'

'But nevertheless effective,' Pomona Sprout giggled, her eyes never straying from the small drama that unfolded at the Gryffindor table.

Granger pushed a strand of her long, bushy hair behind one ear and gave the blond Slytherin a coy glance from under her eyelashes. 'Not yet,' Severus heard her say. 'I was planning to start on it this afternoon, actually.'

'Uhm - would you mind working on it together?' Malfoy asked, his voice actually cracking as he finished the sentence.

'I'd love to,' Granger replied, standing up from her seat and gathering her bookbag.

Together, one of the most unlikely couples that had ever graced the halls of Hogwarts walked to the tall doors that led out of the Great Hall, not heeding the incredulous stares and whispers of their classmates that followed them. Severus almost rubbed his eyes: there was unmistakably a spring in Malfoy's step as he walked his conquest out of the Great Hall.

'Di - did you seen that, mate?' The colour of Weasley's face had become an unbecoming shade of puce that clashed violently with his ginger hair. Severus saw how Madam Pomfrey watched the lanky boy with concern: probably she was afraid that he would become apoplectic.

As it was to be expected, Potter, the recipient of Wesley's question, had been completely oblivious to what went on right under his nose. To be fair, the boy seemed to be rather distracted by exchanging surreptitious smiles with a certain Miss Greengrass across the house tables.

Miss Greengrass stood up and walked towards the door, as always accompanied by her best friend, Miss Davis.

'I need to go to the library to look up some additional information for my Potions essay, Tracey,' she said, loud enough for Potter to hear. To make sure that he understood, she turned around a last time and smiled at him.

Admittedly, Potter was daft, even infuriatingly so. Yet even he was not daft enough to miss the invitation in that smile. He scrambled to his feet, grabbing his backpack, and walked towards the door with long strides.

'Sorry, Ron, I forgot I still have to finish my Transfiguration essay. See you in a few,' he called over his shoulder, thus missing the triumphant smile on Miss Greengrass face, who waited beside the doors to make sure that her message had been understood. Neither did he notice the secret messages that were passed between Longbottom and Miss Davis.

The eyes seemed to bulge out of the head of the shy Gryffindor when the bubbly Slytherin smiled and batted her eyelashes at him, while she waited for her blonde friend. However, he did the House of Gryffindor honour when a determined expression flickered across his face, and he grabbed his bookbag and followed his raven-haired classmate.

'Wait, Harry, I'll come with you.'

Weasley watched his best friend leaving the Great Hall with Longbottom in tow, a puzzled frown on his face.

'Mental, both of them,' he could be heard muttering. He shrugged his shoulders and turned back to the table. Lunchtime was not yet over, and the elves had refilled the plates for the students who decided to go to lunch on the last minute. Weasley gave the plates a wistful look, and then came to the conclusion that he deserved a third helping after his friends had deserted him - or was it a fourth or even a fifth? Severus never bothered to keep up: the table manners of the ginger headed glutton were nauseating.

Thankfully, he was saved to watch another display of outrageous table manners by Miss Parkinson. She sat down on the seat Potter had vacated not even a minute ago, and smiled sweetly at the lanky boy.

Weasley forgot all about the lamb chops he was about to ladle on his plate. A deep blush crept over his face.

'What do you want, Parkinson?' he asked. It actually sounded polite.

Miss Parkinson smiled up at him, and put her hand on his arm. Severus noticed that for once it seemed to be a genuine smile that had nothing in common with the simper she used to give Malfoy.

The lanky Gryffindor let out a choked noise as he felt her hand on his arm.

Poppy Pomfrey rose a notch from her chair at that, the concerned expression on her face becoming more pronounced.

'I've heard you are a chess champion,' Parkinson began.

Weasley looked flattered.

'I'm not bad at chess myself, and I've wondered if you'd like to play a game with me. No one in Slytherin plays up to my standard, and I'd like a new - challenge,' Miss Parkinson chirped, letting her hand trail along Weasley's arm.

The poor bloke didn't stand a chance under the influence of the rather strong potion Miss Parkinson had brewed. Severus actually felt something akin to compassion as Weasley, his eyes almost bulging out of his skull, could only nod mutely to her offer.

The young couple didn't notice the choked chuckles that came from the teacher's table, or the incredulous looks they got from their classmates who were still in the hall: Mr. Nott, Mr. Zabini, Miss Bulstrode and Miss Roper from Slytherin, and Mr. Finnegan, Mr. Thomas, Miss Brown and Miss Patil from Gryffindor.

Miss Roper and Miss Bulstrode had finished their meal, and now stood up and walked out of the Great Hall together.

Finnegan, who hadn't let Miss Bulstrode out of his eyes once ever he had been administered the potion, sprang to his feet and followed them.

His best friend called something after him, but when he paid no heed, Thomas also stood up and walked towards the door, albeit at a slower pace.

Finnegan almost collided with Miss Bulstrode at the doors.

'Oi, Bulstrode, fancy a walk around the lake with me?' he shouted.

The masculine looking girl whirled around, an expression of loathing and fury on her face.

Finnegan didn't notice the danger he was in: he kept looking at her with a goofy smile on his face.

Miss Bulstrode towered over Finnegan, murder in her eyes. She was at least five inches taller than him, and also at least five stones heavier. Severus closed his eyes as she lunged out at him. He didn't need to see that.

When he opened his eyes again, the five fingers of Miss Bulstrode's hand were imprinted on Finnegan's left cheek in a flaming red, while the tails of Miss Bulstrode robes could be seen vanishing through the doors.

'I guess that means no,' Filius Flitwick chuckled.

'Millicent, wait,' Finnegan shouted, and hurried out of the Great Hall in hot pursuit of Miss Bulstrode. All Severus could do was hoping he would never catch up with her: Miss Bulstrode initial reaction didn't bode well for Finnegan's health.

Miss Roper and Thomas had watched the fight between their friends with wide eyes, both too surprised by the drama unfolding in front of them as quick as a firestorm. They shared an uneasy glance, the shock still evident on both of their faces.

Then something seemed to burst within Miss Roper. She made a strange, whimpering noise, and her face crumpled up. The next second she doubled over, clutching her sides with her hands, and howled with laughter. Thomas didn't fare any better. Supporting each other, the two staggered out of the Great Hall and slumped down on the lowest step of the Moving Staircase, still laughing like crazy.

Severus had almost forgot about the remaining two potential couples while he watched Miss Roper and Thomas. They now also made their way out of the Great Hall, meeting at the door by accident. He didn't trust his ears as he heard the two Slytherin boys asking the girls - rather respectfully - to accompany them on a walk around the Black Lake.

'Seven out of eight, that's not bad,' Albus voice interrupted his thoughts as he watched the last two couples leaving the Great Hall.

'It's indecent,' Dolores Umbridge raged. 'I'll make sure Minister Fudge will hear of this … this procuration.'

'Of course you are free to tell him, Dolores,' Albus replied. 'But you forget that Severus was forced by the Ministry to act this way, based on an ancient Ministry decree. Also, none of what we saw would have happened if there wasn't some genuine attraction between the young couples, however unlikely they may seem to us. In fact, Severus has chosen the couples with the thought in mind that they are most likely no match.'

Severus could only nod at that, while Dolores Umbridge huffed.

'Well, I'd say if you're ever dismissed from your current position, you have a promising career as a matchmaker ahead of you, Severus,' Filius Flitwick giggled.

Severus gave him a withering glance as he got up from his chair, then turned around and walked out of the Great Hall, his robes billowing.

He never noticed how Minerva McGonagall raised her wand and conjured a pair of cupid's wings that attached themselves to his shoulders.

 **The End?**

Author's Notes: As much as I'd like to continue this story, I haven't come up with any ideas how to do so. Maybe the muses will hit me one day, but I'm not counting on it. So, don't hold your breath for this story to be continued.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to J.K.R.

* * *

Severus Snape sat in his private quarters in his favourite comfy chair and swirled a tumbler with a healthy shot of Firewhiskey in his hand. The amber shades of the aromatic liquid and the dancing blue flames on top of it did nothing to soothe his frazzled nerves.

He sighed and looked out of the window onto the sunlit grounds. How deep had he fallen that he resorted to midday drinking?

It was all Potter's fault. Why by the Dark Lord's cut-off balls did the infernal brat have to succumb to the love potion and fall for the prettiest snake in the dungeons? The boy could resist an Imperius Curse cast by the Dark Lord himself, for Merlin's sake, then why couldn't he resist a simple love potion? And why did that dunderhead have to brew a potion strong enough to make Miss Greengrass interested in him?

How far could two love potion-fueled teenagers get over the weekend? A shudder ran through his body, he'd better not think about _that_. He had no desire to explain to a fuming Cyrus Greengrass how the teenage pregnancy of his heiress came about. On that note, such a talk to Edgar Parkinson or Samuel Roper wouldn't be a bed of roses, either, especially not the point where he had to reveal the boy in question. Or would they suffer a stroke at the news their precious daughters had been impregnated by a Weasley respectively a Muggleborn? That hope almost was worth to wish for the worst to happen, with almost being the operative word in that sentence. Thank Merlin he didn't have to worry about Bulstrode, she at least showed no signs to succumb to Finnegan's abysmal potion.

With another sigh, he put the glass down onto the coffee table in front of him and got up. There was no way around it, he had to make sure his snakes didn't come to harm, so he'd better have a look and make sure things wouldn't get out of hand.

He turned around and marched out of his quarters, his black cloak billowing behind him.

His first way led him towards the infirmary. A quick glance when he pushed open the tall double doors to Poppy Promfrey's immaculate kingdom told him that none of the beds was occupied. He let out a deep breath. He'd been afraid of the worst when Finnegan, that dunderhead, pursued Miss Bulstrode out of the Great Hall.

Poppy Promfrey stood at the far end of the room, in front of an open cabinet, and sorted potion vials. At the sound of his steps she turned around.

'Oh, it's you, Severus.' A slight smirk appeared on her face. 'Have you come to see me, or do you want to make sure that none of the students under the love potion got hurt in their endeavour to woo their object of affection?'

The latter had been his motivation to visit the infirmary, however, it wouldn't do to let Poppy know. He had a reputation to maintain.

'Actually, I came to see you,' he said, and gave her his best cold stare down his crooked nose. 'I was wondering if you need a refill of your potions cabinet.'

Poppy gave him an unfathomable look in return, and the corners of her mouth quivered.

A jolt went through him. Damn, he just had stocked up her potions cabinet three days ago, even with that cow Umbridge on the loose she wouldn't need new potions before the end of the month. He almost face-palmed while he racked his brain how to talk his way out of the grave he dug for himself. 'Ehem -'

'Well, to answer your unspoken question, Mr Finnegan just left a couple of minutes ago. I never before had to treat such a fine black eye as the one he sported. It seems Miss Bulstrode is a heavy hitter who threw a sucker punch straight from the shoulder. His words, not mine, and he didn't sound as if her actions put him off in the least. When he left, he muttered something about roses for his rose.' The damned woman gave up any pretense and burst out laughing.

'Har, har, har.' His insides squirmed, and his hands clutched his stomach. How had they got there? He'd better brew a batch of Anti Heartburn Potion tonight, he'd need it before the weekend was over.

'As interesting as it is talking to you, Poppy, I need to go. I have left an experimental potion to simmer that needs checking.'

'Of course, Severus,' Poppy said in a mirthful voice. 'The roses are kept in greenhouse four, as you remember, I think, but by now Mr Finnegan should have looted Pomona's priced bushes and be on his way to the dungeons. I'd check there first, if I were you.'

He didn't deign her another word and stalked out of the infirmary. Her tinkling laughter followed him out of the room and still rang in his ears on his way down to the dungeons. Blasted woman!

Finnegan stood in the middle of the corridor that led to the Slytherin common room, a huge bouquet of roses in his hands, and a dreamy, silly smile on his face. His eyes were fixed to a spot where he probably believed the entrance to the common room to be.

He was off, albeit not much.

At the sight of the flowers Severus cast his eyes heavenward with an inward groan. Just spiffing, the dunderhead must have stripped Pomona's prized roses of all blossoms. She would never let them hear the end of that.

'Finnegan! What are you doing here?' The mental image of the endless prattle of his esteemed colleague lent the necessary venom to his voice, and hopefully the poisoned steel to his glare as well.

'Huh?' The dunderhead tore his eyes away from the wall and gave him a reluctant side glance. At first, his expression didn't change. His dreams of a happy future with Miss Bulstrode apparently had made him oblivious to the danger right in front of him.

Severus went through his vast repertoire of scathing remarks to deliver the final blow the moment when Finnegan realised who stood in front of him and rightfully quivered in his shoes.

The moment never came.

If anything, Finnegan's smile became even broader, and he held the roses out to him with both hands. 'Professor Snape! I'm sure Merlin sent you! Are you on your way to the Slytherin common room? Millicent ran away from me, she must have got a wrong impression of my intentions. Will you please give her these flowers from me and tell her I'm sorry and I'd love to meet her in the Entrance Hall for a walk around the lake so that I can declare myself to her?'

What? Severus froze. Was the dunderhead playing one of those foolish Gryffindor pranks on him? Were the infernal twins lurking somewhere in the shades of the dimly lit corridor, laughing their arses off and capturing every moment with a magical camera?

He cast a surreptitious look around.

There was not the tiniest spot of red hair or freckles in sight, apart from those on the head and face of the dunderhead in front of him.

He turned his death glare to Finnegan once again.

The dunderhead still stood in the middle of the corridor, the roses held out to him, and gave him a hopeful look from puppy-dog eyes.

An ice cold shiver ran down Severus' spine. He was losing his touch.

His wand leapt in his hand almost of its own accord, and he vanished the ridiculous roses with a silent spell. 'That will be fifty points from Gryffindor, Finnegan, and detention with me each night next week!'

The foolish boy blinked at his empty hands like an owl in daylight, yet the hopeful expression didn't leave his face. 'Yes, professor, of course, professor. But you will talk to Millicent?'

'If you don't leave this corridor within the next second, you won't need my intervention to talk to Miss Bulstrode anymore.' His voice was clipped and had the degree of coldness that never failed to put scum like Bellatrix Lestrange and Lucius Malfoy into their places.

The happy expression vanished from the dunderhead's face, he eep-ed and scurried past Severus, out of the corridor and towards the stairs that led into the Entrance Hall.

Well, that was about time!

Severus took a deep breath and waited until the sound of Finnegan's footsteps faded away, then walked towards the entrance of the Slytherin common room and pressed his wand to a secret spot on the wall, privy only to the current head of house and the headmaster.

The wall slid open, he strode into the room with billowing robes and looked for his prey.

She sat alone in the corner that was traditionally occupied by the fifth years and stared into the flames of the fireplace in front of her, combing her fingers through her hair and a dreamy expression on her face.

He walked up to her and cast a Privacy Charm around them.

Miss Bulstrode didn't notice his approach before he towered over her. She startled and scrambled to her feet. 'Professor Snape!'

'Please, keep seated, Miss Bulstrode. You know why I came to see you?'

She gave a hesitant nod.

'While your annoyance with Finnegan's actions is understandable, resorting to physical violence won't do, Miss Bulstrode, that is even more true if the recipient of said violence is at least one head smaller than you.'

Miss Bulstrode cast her eyes to the ground. 'I'm sorry, sir, it won't happen again.'

'See to that. Alas, the dunderhead seems to have developed an unaccountable fancy to you. Therefore, I think it advisable to prevent you from running into him by accident. You are restricted to the common room and your dorm until breakfast time on Monday morning, Miss Bulstrode. An elf will deliver your meals to you. I hope the fool will have cooled down until then, last time I saw him he was waiting with a bouquet of roses in his hands in front of the common room. I sent him away.'

The girl let out a small gasp. 'That's sw… appalling!'

Severus gave her a sharp look. Was there a tint of pink on her cheeks?

'Indeed, it is. With a little luck, you will be rid of him by Monday.'

'I hope so.' The corners of her mouth turned south, and her voice had a dejected undertone.

His breath caught; that couldn't be, she had shown no reaction to Finnegan's potion in the Great Hall. Or had the dunderhead somehow worked a time delay mechanism into his potion? He wouldn't put it past the idiot, even the dumbest dog had his day.

With a suppressed groan he turned around and strode out of the common room. In his harried state of mind he almost forgot to cast the cantrip that made his ropes billow behind him, but caught himself at the puzzled expression of a seventh year who happened to look at him that moment.

Back in the deserted corridor, the wall that hid the common room safely closed behind him, he paused and pinched the bridge of his nose between the thumb and forefinger of his left hand. If the day progressed in this manner, he'd have an even worse headache than the troll Weasley had knocked out with its own club by dinner time. He needed some fresh air and a few minutes for himself, without the distraction of hormone-ridden, love potion-befuddled teenagers. To how much mischief could they get up in the few minutes he took for himself?

Unbidden memories of his own teenage years flooded his mind, especially those of the escapades of one Sirius Black in the many broom closets of the castle. He shuddered and hurried towards the Entrance Hall. He'd better keep his break short.

On his way out he caught movement at the bottom of the Moving Staircase from the corner of his eyes. What was that? He stopped and took another look.

Miss Roper and Thomas still sat on the steps at the bottom of the stairs. Their fit of laughter had subsided, thank Merlin for small blessings, and they now seemed to be absorbed into an in-depth discussion about - art?

'I love the way you emphasised the central motif of your composition with these blue highlights. It brings out the coldness of the winter's day,' Miss Roper said and pointed towards something on a sheet of parchment she and Thomas held between them. 'It's so real, it almost makes me run to my dorm and get my winter cloak.'

Her adoring eyes, turned at Thomas, caused Severus' stomach to squirm in the most uncomfortable way.

Thomas, the idiot, pinked at her praise and stammered an unintelligible answer.

Miss Roper giggled.

Severus blinked. _She giggled!_ The members of the Roper family were famous for their stately deportment, they were even worse than the Greengrasses. A giggling daughter of the house most likely would be disinherited.

'You're sweet,' Miss Roper now said to Thomas. The next second she bent forward, closed the small gap between their heads and kissed the boy fully on the lips.

The young man reacted with great presence of mind, put his arms around her, and pulled her into a deep kiss.

Severus staggered backwards. Sweet Freyja, have mercy! If these two already had such a strong reaction to the inadequate potions he had fed them, to what would the students with the strong potions in their system be up to? As if he hadn't enough Potter-induced headaches already!

He turned away from the unsettling sight and made his way out of the castle with unseeing eyes. A brisk walk down to the Black Lake did a lot to restore his inner calm. He sat down on the log of a fallen tree close to the waterline and let his eyes wander.

They came to rest on a lovely picture at the other side of the lake. Under a majestic downy beech with drooping branches and leaves that were in full autumn glory sat four young people on a blanket.

Severus took a closer look and corrected himself. By the way Mr Zabini sat closely to Miss Patil and Mr Nott held the hand of Miss Brown, two couples sat on the blanket.

This time, he didn't bother to suppress his groan. He lifted himself up from the log and was about to walk around the lake to put the fear of Merlin into them. However, something that happened on the other side of the lake made him pause.

Mr Nott tilted his head back and laughed, while Mr Zabini sported a broad grin on his face.

Severus sunk back onto the log. He'd never seen his two snakes so… so… _happy._ Neither Mr Nott nor Mr Zabini ever laughed openly, a faint twist of the mouth was the most they allowed themselves, they always were in complete control.

Who could blame them for their behaviour? Severus sighed, with parents like theirs Mr Nott and Mr Zabini were well advised to keep their guards up. Nott senior was rumoured to have murdered his wife - something Severus knew to be a fact, Nott sen had boasted about it at Death Eater meetings - and Inanna Zabini had worked through seven husbands in quick succession, each one leaving her wealthier than before on his passing. The unfortunate Mr Zabini sen had been her last.

Both Nott sen and Mrs Zabini were not above threatening their only child with the fate of their dead parent to make them comply.

He cast a last look at the two young couples at the other side of the lake and got up. No, he wouldn't begrudge them their happiness, Merlin knew his two snakes deserved a little light in their lives. From the looks of it, they weren't up to any funny business, either, they just seemed to enjoy the company. It probably would be over on Monday, anyway, given how weak the respective potions had been.

He re-cast the cantrip on his robes and walked back to the castle, the library his ultimate destination. The entrance hall was empty, Thomas and Roper had left the Moving Staircase for places unknown. A broom cupboard, maybe? He shuddered.

The doors to the Great Hall stood open, and he cast a quick sidewards glance into the room. Some movement at the Gryffindor table stopped him in his tracks.

The hall was empty, except for a young couple at the Gryffindor table hunched over a chessboard between them and engrossed in the game. The red-headed young man picked up a piece and moved it across the board. 'Checkmate!'

Severus' stomach dropped, his glance settled on Miss Parkinson. How would she take the defeat? Her grandfather had groomed her right from the cradle to become a chess champion. He'd been an international champion in his days, and she had already made a name for herself in junior championships. Ambitious and competitive as all his snakes, she hated to lose.

He drew his wand, ready to throw a shield at the slightest sign of anger from Miss Parkinson's side.

Miss Parkinson gaped; Severus' hand tightened around his wand.

The next moment she clapped her hands, her face all smiles. 'Merlin, you're exceptional, that's your third win in a row! I can't wait to introduce you to my grandfather. He'd be happy to train you for tournaments.'

Weasley's ears pinked. 'That's nothing special. I just enjoy playing chess.'

'Don't be so modest, it doesn't suit you! I tell you, you're an international chess champion in the making. Oh, I can't wait to see you playing your first tournament, these stuck-up idiots there won't know what hit them!'

A sheepish smile appeared on Weasley's face, and he puffed out his chest a little. 'Do you think so?'

'Yes, I do. Stop belittling yourself, Ronald, you are a powerful and intelligent wizard,' Miss Parkinson said and put her hand on Weasley's arm. She leaned closer. 'After all, you've beat the All England and Ireland Junior Chess Champion runner-up three times in a row. Don't you think that deserves a reward?' She leaned even closer.

'Err…' The deep pink of Weasley's ears seemed to spread down his neck and from there up to his face within the blink of an eye, he didn't move a muscle and stared at Miss Parkinson like the rabbit at the proverbial snake.

'I'm happy you agree,' Miss Parkinson murmured with a coy smile and closed the gap between them until their lips met.

Snape made a hasty retreat, however not quick enough to avoid seeing how Weasley's instincts kicked in and he put both arms around Miss Parkinson and pulled her closer.

Merlin have mercy! Snape closed his eyes and raised his Occlumency shields. It didn't help, the scene he'd just witnessed seemed to bite itself into his corneal. Ugh, was it possible to develop eye cancer from disturbing images?

He gave himself a mental shake, he still had three of his snakes to check upon. Given those three and their Gryffindor counterparts were the most accomplished potion students of their year, he didn't dare think of how he might find them. He pulled himself together and continued his walk to the library. There was no use in delaying the inevitable, that much he'd learned during his service to the Dark Lord.

At a first glance the library seemed like always. It was a heaven of tranquility, thanks to Irma Pince' stern rulership; the small groups of students who'd gathered at the long tables in the front part of the library to study knew better than to draw Irma's wrath on themselves by talking.

Severus looked for the assertive librarian, as a rule, she always sat at her desk near the entrance during opening hours. Today, however, she'd deserted her usual place, and stood, a hand put on one shelf, at the beginning of the Transfiguation section. She peered down the row of shelves, a deep frown on her face.

He stepped beside her. 'Anything out of the ordinary, Irma?'

She whipped her head around and gave him a withering look. 'Yes, thanks to your shenanigans. See for yourself.' She motioned with her chin down the row of bookshelves.

'How often do I have to repeat that this mess was not of my own making, but imposed on me by our esteemed ministry?' he said with a sigh as his glance followed the direction she had pointed out.

Irma Pince harrumphed at that. He shut her out, his concentration focussed on the two couples on the other side of the row of bookshelves.

Between the Transfiguration section and the Potions section there was a secluded space, maybe as big as his study in his apartment, where a couple of smaller tables had been put up for the older students, namely the O.W.L. and N.E.W.T. students. Miss Greengrass and Potter sat at one table, Miss Davis and Longbottom at another one further down. Well, they all _were_ in their O.W.L. year, so nobody could raise objections against them using these tables in this secluded spot of the library.

Only… they weren't exactly studying. At least neither Transfiguration nor Potions. Their current activities were more related to the Muggle subject of biology.

A shudder ran through Severus' body, the room seemed to spin around him, and he grabbed for the closest shelf to steady himself. He closed his eyes. Now he had his answer to the question of how he might find the most accomplished potions students. Unfortunately, it gave him no consolation. He opened his eyes and took another look. The scene hadn't changed, and a small groan escaped his mouth. He'd definitely develop eye cancer after today.

'Do something about that, Severus!' Irma Pomfrey hissed into his ear.

His eyebrows rose a notch. 'Why me? The library is your kingdom and responsibility.'

Her face wrinkled in disgust. 'They are not being disruptive, neither do they any damage to the books, so I have no grounds to chuck them out on their ears. You know as well as I do that the library always has been the not so secret rendez vous spot for couples from different houses, and I will not interfere with that. I still remember how you and Lily -'

'That's beside the point.' A sharp pain jolted through his body at the mentioning of Lily's name. 'My, Irma, I never would've thought you have a soft spot for young lovers. Let them be, they need to work the potion out of their systems, and they won't do anything too improper in such a public place.' At least he hoped so.

She huffed at that, but turned around and walked back to her desk.

Careful not to catch another unintentional glimpse of the two couples, Severus followed her.

As soon as the library doors had closed behind him he let out a deep breath. Where by the Dark Lord's cut-off balls should he search for Mr Malfoy and that know-it-all Granger? There were hundreds, no, thousands of places for an amorous couple to hide in this rambling castle full of nooks and crannies. His feet carried him down the stairs and towards the third-floor corridor with the row of unused classrooms while his mind still pondered that problem.

Merlin had mercy, or maybe he just sympathised with Severus's frazzled nerves. Anyway, he'd just entered the third-floor corridor when a door further down the corridor opened and his prey came out.

They had their backs to him and didn't see him, however, as engrossed as they were in their conversation they probably wouldn't have noticed him if he'd cartwheeled down the corridor in a clown's costume. Just to be safe, Severus cast a Disillusion Charm on himself and a Silencing Charm on his feet, followed them down the corridor and listened into their conversation.

There was nothing amorous in their talk about the use of Arithmancy for the development of new spells.

Severus eyebrows shot up. Should his model students, of all people, have failed to brew a potion strong enough to give in to their mutual physical attraction when all their classmates had succumbed to the effect of the love potion given to them? His eyes narrowed, that didn't add up. He followed the couple to the seventh floor, where they stopped in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady. Sevrus pressed himself flat against the wall.

Mr Malfoy took Granger's hand into his, bowed over it with exceptional grace, and kissed her knuckles. 'It was a pleasure to study with you today. I admire your profound knowledge that goes far beyond the teaching matter. You are a source of inspiration, Hermione.'

Granger blushed to the roots of her hair at his words, and a shy, yet becoming smile appeared on her face.

Severus blinked. Who would've thought the bushy-haired bookworm could look that attractive?

'I also had fun studying with you, Draco,' she said in a soft voice. 'Maybe we can do that again?' She gave him a meaningful look.

'I'd love to!'

Severus blinked again. He'd never heard the spoilt blonde brat sounding that eager and enthusiastic.

The young man bowed over Granger's hand again, then handed her the bbookbag he'd been carrying for her. 'Good night, Hermione.' With a last small wave at Granger he turned around and walked past Severus towards the Moving Staircase.

Severus followed him with some distance. Mr Malfoy just bid goodbye to a Muggleborn witch as if he was wooing a Pureblood girl he intended to marry, and Granger didn't seem to mind at all and reacted like a well-bred Pureblood girl. His stomach balled into an uncomfortable knot. That was a formal courtship on Mr Malfoy's side, the one that ended in a marriage contract, and he'd bet his most expensive potion ingredients that the know-it-all was aware of that. The girl was too smart to enter the magical dating circus without reading up on the customs of the magical world before. Gods, he'd been so wrong, his two model students reacted even stronger to the love potion than he'd imagined.

There was only hope neither Lucius nor the Dark Lord would ever find out.

The End

At least for the time being. I have some vague ideas how to continue, but nothing that makes me excited enough to start writing.


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